VOLUMINA ARMENI

Whatever we don’t see is not real. Because it’s not perceived. 

Oh, it’s like the forest philosophy story. 

Exactly. Now you get it. 

So trees grow instantly when you see them. Then when you don’t, they’re not there! Since you don’t see them empirically!  

Hmm.. somewhat. 

That’s why we need people watching things. So more things exist at the same time and trees grow. 

Somewhat. I don’t know.

Then I don’t have to go to the forest to make sure climate change doesn’t happen. I watch them so they do their job of converting CO2 to O2.  

Hmm.. you make a good point. 

Let’s look at God then. Or else we won’t exist anymore! 

Maybe. 

But isn't it only about knowing whether it exists or not? I thought that’s what the point was. 

That’s another group of philosophers. But this is real. I know a guy.

With the return of every true Armenian to his land is the expansion of the legacy and the lifespan of the country a hundred years. Do not say that in times of weakness and emptiness there is no reason to return to this meaningless and broken country. Centuries hence, our images will be on the walls of those who look back and gaze in honor at the rocks and stones we set for those who are to come. 

Hey, I’m so cultured. 

Cultured? What’s that word? 

Oh, it’s like, we always, like say that. Culture, culture. Like, culture. You don’t know? 

Oh, what is it? 

It’s like that thing. 

Oh, I found the dictionary definition. I have that. Do you? 

Oh, culture, of course. But you don’t. I’m more cultured. You’re uncultured. 

Oh, ok, I’m Armenian, which means I bear culture, ancient culture. I actually don’t like speaking to you though because you’re an outsider in my homeland, making fun. 

I’m like a queen or king of that culture. The Armenian culture. 

But you’re black. 

Oh, I know it better. 

You don’t. It’s not mathematics. You’re like from another land. Go back. You may find yourself where you’re from. And the definition of culture here is not stealing from me and other Armenians, it’s staying out and finding your own unless you’d like to honor it. You also made that word sound ugly, stop repeating it. 

Oh, ok, that’s like racist. 

What is that? 

You said I’m black. 

So? That’s your color of skin. Is there a problem with that? It’s a color, and it’s different. It’s not from here. And it is said in the context of your desire to be more Armenian or rather Armenian in denial of my ancestry. 

Oh, ok. I’m going to sue you. 

Ok, this is satanic. You are stealing what is mine, then killing me by saying I don’t possess it, then destroying that which you stole. You also don’t learn or appreciate it by invading privacy in therapy as a therapist. Even if you died for Armenia, gave your life, you will always forever be outsider, without a doubt, even in heaven we would make fun. Even if you sacrificed your life like Jesus. You must’ve stolen from someone I know. Are you a cannibal? Maybe his DNA or insides you ate?

Oh, your law court doesn’t like me. Bye. 

Bye. 

At the onset of the disease spreading, all were sure the grandparents would survive. However, over time, questions were raised. Finally, a doctor said with utmost certainty, as though pointing out the existence of matter itself and then moving along with his day, He will certainly pass, there is no chance. He’s too old. 

When the grandson heard of this, he looked around at seeming realism, and said, I am here, how can he pass away? It will never happen. 

Committed to ensuring his health, he, with certainty of heaven with strength did everything to protect him who then endured the hardest years untouched, healthy, at peace, and happy. 

You may rule a household with your body, though the mind may rule the universe. For the crown rests on the top of the head, not the waist, the hand, nor even the foot as gold.

Hey, I want to be Armenian Apostolic Christian, just like you! It’s so cool!

Too late! It happens before baptism. 

How? 

Hop back in the womb, and you’ll see. 

But it’s new birth. Can’t it be about God only? It’s Christianity! 

You’re right, it can be, it’s about me first though. 

Ararat: Hey, I thought of a psychosis today.

Aragats: What is it?

Ararat: It's not thinking or believing you're Armenian when you are.

Aragats: Oh, that's a tough one. The odars over there struggle with that. Why? 

Ararat: If they would just realize they are Armenian, they would come here instantly like a stone hitting the ground pulled by earth's gravitations.

Aragats: Hmm.. there are a lot of Armenians abroad, aren't there...

Ararat: Yes, there are. 

Aragats: We should do something about this. They're psycho!

Ararat: I know, I know. But they want to eat their bastrma and smell good at the same time. 

Aragats: They can't do both. 

Ararat: All they need is to stop questioning it. Then they'd leave the hotdogs behind and come and lay stones, make castles, and make eternal what we are - they will dance and feast and love as they did ages ago.

Aragats: What's the medication dosage? 

Ararat: It's me and you. 

Aragats: Let's do it.

Ararat: But they will die and shed their blood.

Aragats: But they will know who they are, and they will die like kings. 

Ararat: Who's going first?

Aragats: They are.

I have a great idea. It's a theatre where you go and you act like you are something in front of people who know you are acting and also know you know you are acting. Then, it'll be fun, since it's a theatre. 

What is this?

Oh, it's being Armenian in America right now. 

The man suffered a thousand wounds, but after it all he looked into his wallet as he left and there still was 50 dollars. He smiled, and said it’s all good.

Sitting amidst singing and dancing Pentecostals, I ponder as I hear the գագաթնակետ of Armenian vocabulary, the spring of life, so to speak, such love. 

Let’s see, what’s Armenian? միջոցավ եւ հարաբերութիւն։ that’s all we got today, advanced class over. 

Hey, what’s your word this month? 

It’s կոպիտ.

Cool, Nikol’s was հանրապետութիւն for like 3 years straight. 

What’s yours? 

It’s աստուածասէր.

That’s a good one. 

What about next month. 

We’ll see, I’ll keep you in the loop. 

It better not be խոր. That’s mine forever. You can have կերպ.

կերպ, կերպ. 

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